H E L L O   B E A U T I F U L S !  

I finally have the time to sit my ass down to write a post. Actually, I have a lot of posts coming up but I thought I would update a bit on my life - what I have been doing and why I've been gone. 

It's 3AM in the morning and I have to wake up early for vocals class but I just feel like writing, you know? So recently I have been juggling between work and college. At first I thought I can handle it very well. Maybe it's because I started with only two days of work. Then lately I have been struggling like crazy. I've been working more than I should - going to work straight after class, studying during work. I barely have time for myself. I skipped classes because I was so tired. I realized it was not as easy as I thought it would be. 

I worked 13 hours straight last Friday and I just died the very next day. I fell sick and I realized how much I was stressing myself. You see, the thing about me is that I take everything very seriously - I even play my SIMS as if I'm planning my future. I have this thing about pre planning everthing and I'm not sure if it's a bad thing. Like how I'm quite high maintenance and expect a lot from myself.

I have been so mentally tired it's crazy. BUT what's crazier is that I like it. I love that I'm working part time and also studying. It somehow gives me a sense of purpose, not that I don't have a purpose but I just feel like there's more than one purpose. When I got my salary, I treated myself a few things that I've been planning to get for a while. OH! I treated my grandma and mum dinner, gosh,  it feels so good when you see how little things like that bring that smile to their faces.

On a more personal note - SHIT. That's how I felt for a month or so now. Life happened and this time it affected me quite badly but the thing is, I didn't even realized I was till a few days ago. I have been containing all this negativity in my body to the point that no matter how much I tried being happy, I ended up being obnoxious.
Now, I'm writing this to remind myself that bad things happen and it's normal to struggle. I'm honestly learning not to feel anxious about this part of my life anymore. I think it's time to let myself go and do whatever I want and be who I am. Learning to balance work, college and also my social life. Practicing to choose responsibilities but also enjoy the process of it. 

My mum has been worrying if I can cope with this but the thing is I see this as an important part of my life because why not right? I want to see how much I can take and I believe it's best if I start now. So, that's basically my life now. I'm falling asleep now so goodbye.

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