H E L L O   B E A U T I F U L S !  

So, I've been away for over a month. Since my last post, I was just preparing for CNY and planned to only update the blog after I'm back from hometown. Well, little did I know, we had a turn of events before the Lunar New Year was even over. 

Back to the title of my post - How does one say goodbye without a heavy heart? How do you even deal with the pain? Wait, are you even dealing with the pain? I'm not sure how this works, to be completely honest. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. How I feel? Unsure too. At first, everything just happened too fast. I couldn't quite process it. Took me a while, but then I guess that's normal. Then, everything just went blank.

I apologized for my absence. I didn't have the mood to write about reviews or whatever it was I wanted to write before this incident. I tried, but I ended up spacing out. Nah, I know better than to write when my emotions are all over the place. Unless I'm writing about what I was feeling then, but I didn't want to acknowledged it quite yet. I just couldn't believe it. 

He was with us just the week before it happened. I didn't understand how. What I knew, but how was more of the question. Does that make sense? I have so many questions. I had so much planned for us. I guess it was never meant to be. It's heartbreaking. How does one cope to lose their Dad at this age or any age? Life could have been easy for him after I'm done with Degree. I get a stable job, and he gets to get off from that stressful job of his. He could have gotten the well deserved break he needed. 

Life was never easy for the man, but he was always so joyful. You know, he never once beaten my ass like any Asian parent would. No matter how much I pissed him off in my teenage years, the most he did was raised his hand but ended up not doing it. He was a very patient, attentive and loving man. Was never blessed with the silver spoon, not even a bronze but he had the wits of a good businessman. He could have picked up any practical skill if he wanted to. Sure, he was always away from home due to work, but that didn't mean he loved us any less. He made damn sure he worked his ass off to fend for his family. 

I can't deny the fact that you won't be around for a lot of things. Watch me graduate and lose my shit in the process, start my career, get married, have kids and all that good bad stuff. I'll have one less pillar to lean on. I can't have that extra vote when it comes to family discussions about whatever stupid proposition I suggest. Who's going to make stupid sarcastic jokes with me? Who's going to entertain my stupid shenanigans when I use Snapchat? Who the hell am I gonna call when I need my father's support? Hell, I didn't even get to take that polaroid photo with you! We were supposed to have it taken when you're back the second trip from work in August. Who is gonna bloody give me forehead kisses and drag my ass to fishing? Who is gonna convince me to wake up early in the morning to accompany both of you to have breakfast? 

I don't know why God, or whoever, wanted to take you away this early but I trust you're in good hands now. I hope so. Can't have you suffering in the afterlife, that's not fair. You did the best you could, despite your hardships, Pops. You came through for us despite all the bullshit life threw at you. I have always admired your determination and optimism. You were a great Dad, truly you were. Like I said, you can murder someone and I'll love you the same. I love you, Pops but I guess it's goodbye for now. If you're worried you'll slip away from my mind, I obviously won't because well, I am my father's daughter. I have your brows, eyes, lashes, nose, lips and not to mention, personality wise. Plus, our food choices are extremely alike. LIKE I SAID, I am my father's daughter. Don't worry too much about us. We'll be fine. We had a good run, Py, but now it's time for you to rest. Rest in Peace my one and only beloved father, but I'm afraid we have to bid goodbye for now. 

1 comment:

  1. Stay strong. Good people take less time to go to heaven. All the best in everything you take on