H E L L O   B E A U T I F U L S !  

Thought I started off with a nice quote and there you go. I have been procrastinating on this post for a while now and I'm finally here. HEHLUUUUUUUUUUUUU! How time flies by, it seems as if it just flew right by me and I missed it. I'm actually looking forward to this year a lot! Plus, I'm turning 20 this year! 
 2014 has been a roller-coaster ride for me, really. Loads of ups and downs but it was the year when I truly learn a lot about myself. I guess it's my 'self-discovery year'. I was pretty much stuck at a bad place for more than a year - loads of negativity, cussing. Basically I was the worse version of myself (very very ugly). SO 2014, what did I exactly learnt? 

      Throughout my teen years, I had always struggled with self-love. I worry about fitting in or if I please people well, or if I live up to their expectations. I had very low self-esteem. So what I did to overcome this was simply being kind to myself more. Learned to be more positive instead of a grumpy puss all the time. It seriously let you see things a whole different (happy) way. Loving one self can mean differently to other people. For instance, to me, loving myself meant accepting my flaws and improving myself, health wise especially so I started eating better. Looked after myself more. Of course I didn't over do it like last time. I took baby steps and now I enjoy making my own meals rather than take outs. I just want to be more healthy and that doesn't mean I want to lose weight. I'd rather focus on one thing rather than focusing on many things and lose track. If I continue it's gonna take forever to post this so yeah. You get my point. 

       By taking risks I don't mean jump off a bridge or a cliff. It can be the little things like taking a new step in a relationship, meeting someone you don't know but wish to know, trying things you would never try or hate. Basically, stepping out of your comfort zone. I took quite a lot of risks this year - going to college ; starting afresh, meeting someone, reconcile with old friends. We won't know how things will end by taking risks but it's not fun playing it safe either (seeing what the matter is of course). For me personally, taking risks - if it succeeds then you be happy but if it doesn't then you just learn, you don't lose much (optimism y'all).   

     I had anger issues for the past few years (worse version rmb?) and it just gotten worse. It was not only anger but my emotions were all over the place. Seriously, it was crazy. I really learned to handle my emotions way better. So I didn't curse as much and try not to get mad over little, stupid, non-worthy things. Plus, it's not very healthy is it. I practice to be more calm and not get worked up over things that are not worth a fight. 

      Last year wasn't that good for my mum and I. We argued a lot, we didn't see eye to eye. We had our ups and downs this year. The struggle was real people! There was this point when I crossed the line and she just sat down and talked to me. This time I didn't argue, I just listened. Why? Because sometimes other people see things we don't and we should at least give ourselves the chance and their effort, to listen. Well, she was right about that situation and I promised myself I would change. This taught me that it's better to listen (more too) than to think that you're right and just argue. Even if you're right, don't argue but say it the nicest way possible.

      With all the positivity and seeing things at a different angle allowed this to happen. I haven't been very forgiving for the past years and held grudges against a number of people (which made no sense because I was the one who was unreasonable). To be able to forgive myself, I had to forgive others so I did - made amends and reconcile with them. Forgiving others meant (to me), letting go of the past and whatever horrid thing that had happened. I try to look at it the most positive way as possible and turned it around - how it taught me lessons because you can never really forget so why not see it at a different (positive) angle? 

It feels so good when you learn about yourself more and just grow more as the beautiful person as God made you. Looking forward to this year a lot (good and bad)! So many things to learn, to be grateful for. God bless and have a great year ahead, people!