TWENTY - TWO

H E L L O   B E A U T I F U L S ! ☀ ❤

As I grow up I realized that birthdays are not all that without your loved ones. It doesn't matter if you have tons of birthday wishes on your Facebook because after all, Facebook reminds them of that. I used to care the amount of wishes I would have and see who posted it - very stupid but I was young and you tend to get suck into things like this. Social Hierarchy ; what's the point of being on top when those around you are not genuine? 

SKNY DSY | GOODBYE

H E L L O   B E A U T I F U L S ! ☀ ❤

So, I've been away for over a month. Since my last post, I was just preparing for CNY and planned to only update the blog after I'm back from hometown. Well, little did I know, we had a turn of events before the Lunar New Year was even over. 

Back to the title of my post - How does one say goodbye without a heavy heart? How do you even deal with the pain? Wait, are you even dealing with the pain? I'm not sure how this works, to be completely honest. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. How I feel? Unsure too. At first, everything just happened too fast. I couldn't quite process it. Took me a while, but then I guess that's normal. Then, everything just went blank.

I apologized for my absence. I didn't have the mood to write about reviews or whatever it was I wanted to write before this incident. I tried, but I ended up spacing out. Nah, I know better than to write when my emotions are all over the place. Unless I'm writing about what I was feeling then, but I didn't want to acknowledged it quite yet. I just couldn't believe it. 

NEW YEAR, NEW ME, MAYBE?

HH E L L O   B E A U T I F U L S ! ☀ ❤

Well, Happy Twenty Seventeen folks! 🎇 I never failed to make a New Year's Resolution but this year I want to make a more realistic and simple list. So without further ado, I present to you the #newyearnewme crap. 😂

1  |  Focus On Self 🎉

I've pretty much conquered the loving myself part. Probably way more than I should. Now, it's more on doing things for myself. Learning to accept every flaw and not stressing over the little things was a damn long journey. Lets' be honest, there is no way it's going to happen overnight, a few weeks or even in a few months. It takes as long as you need! 

PESCETARIAN TO OMNIVORE

H E L L O   B E A U T I F U L S ! ☀ ❤ 

Before anything else, a little update - I've landed myself a job! Yes, I'm in my final year of diploma but I figured that it's a good opportunity so why not right? To be frank, I have been struggling to juggle work, classes, friends and family. It has been pretty tough but now I'm getting a better hang of it. I believe everything will be worth it. Plus, nothing ever comes easy right?

Now, what I really want to share with you guys : 

O  N  E        Y  E  A  R

SKNY DSY | RELATIONSHIPS

H E L L O   B E A U T I F U L S ! ☀ ❤ 

  I think being in a relationship with yourself is very important. Isn't it funny how a relationship status is so important nowadays? Look at us - we're fighting to fit the expectations of society in ways of appearance and the way you should behave, what you should or should not do. Are we all not tired of living up to other people's expectations. Shouldn't we be only pleasing ourselves instead of trying to live up other's ridiculous expectations that are infinite and unsatisfactory? Why are we doing this to ourselves? Torturing ourselves for all these silly things just so we can fit in?

  Now, what was I saying? RIGHT - HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF IS CRUCIAL. So what you don't have a so called 'BAE'? So what you've been single for a long time? You're allowed to and you shouldn't answer to people who don't know how to mind their own business. Please don't ever compromise yourself for that relationship status. Never ever do that for anyone. It's not worth it. To be frank, I did and I learnt it the hard way. We're not perfect, loves, but it doesn't mean we should do things to harm ourselves  because in the end, we are hurting, only us.

SKNY DSY | EXPECTATIONS

H E L L O   B E A U T I F U L S ! ☀ ❤ 

Do you think that we expect a lot? Are our expectations unrealistic? How much do we expect of ourselves, others or from a situation itself? Is it bad that we have high expectations? If so, how do we control it? It's easy to say "Oh, just don't overthink it." Well, I want to see the person who tells me that does that without feeling as if they're gonna see Hades for the first time.

 I apologize for this rant. I have been feeling out of place lately. My semester break hasn't been entirely happy or relaxing. I needed it to be peaceful instead I got all the unnecessary stress and a thousand of bad news. Yes, there were good moments but when you're mentally unhappy; it somehow gets in the way. I've been trying to be happy but I failed miserably. HOWEVER, yesterday has been good. I woke up to the weather being good (thank you Mother Nature). I didn't sleep well but somehow the good vibe just came back crawling.  

LIFE UPDATE

H E L L O   B E A U T I F U L S ! ☀ ❤

I finally have the time to sit my ass down to write a post. Actually, I have a lot of posts coming up but I thought I would update a bit on my life - what I have been doing and why I've been gone. 

It's 3AM in the morning and I have to wake up early for vocals class but I just feel like writing, you know? So recently I have been juggling between work and college. At first I thought I can handle it very well. Maybe it's because I started with only two days of work. Then lately I have been struggling like crazy. I've been working more than I should - going to work straight after class, studying during work. I barely have time for myself. I skipped classes because I was so tired. I realized it was not as easy as I thought it would be. 

IMAGINE

H E L L O   B E A U T I F U L S ! ☀ ❤

• Traveling while working or I get a chance to travel in the nearby future. Then at that very time, opportunity strikes. There's an audition for a musical - maybe in new york city or a small town. I decide to give it a shot and audition for it. I am not only nervous ; the blood rushes through my veins that I'm literally red, sweaty clammy hands and nausea (panicky but healthy panic). The assistant calls my name so I take a deep breath and walk in the auditorium. I introduce myself, act out a scene and I sing 'Broadway Baby' or 'Being Alive' or just the song from the musical itself. I end my last note with a bang and look at them. The director and music director look at me sternly and say "Thank you for coming, we will let you know". I express my gratitude and leave the place worried but positive. At least I can say I give it a try. 

WHO SAID SO

H E L L O   B E A U T I F U L S ! ☀ ❤

It doesn't matter. Does it require a certain body size or weight to be healthy? Do you need to be society’s ‘skinny’ or ‘fit’ to be healthy? The answer may vary as people think differently but my answer is no. Why no? Because body size and weight do not matter.

(SOURCE ; WE HEART IT)

LESSONS

H E L L O   B E A U T I F U L S ! ☀ ❤

FOOD AND GOOD COMPANY PT 2

H E L L O   B E A U T I F U L S ! ☀ ❤

It's almost one in the morning and here I am trying to keep my promise. Well, at least I'll type half of it first. I'll just talk about my night first. Okay, we reached Esplanade around 4pm and I had four hours to panic so I did. When it was time for our performance, I was ready (or at least that's what I thought). I was fine, everything was fine but then right after the first line..my voice cracked. It was not only 'Oh, it's just a crack. I can fix it.' IT WAS NOT, I THOUGHT I COULD FIX IT. My voice was cracking and trembling the whole way. My hands were shaking, I had cold flushes, my chest tightened, nothing was coming out from my throat and my stomach felt sick. Yes, I had a bloody panic attack on the bloody stage! I've never experienced any panic attacks as horrid as this. This is hard for me to admit honestly but I just want to share this horrifying night(for me) with you guys. YES, I HAVE AN EXTREME HIGH LEVEL OF ANXIETY. NO THIS IS NOT A JOKE OR ANYTHING FUNNY. THIS THING RUINS YOUR LIFE AND SOMETIMES YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. AND WHEN YOU HAVE PANIC ATTACKS IT'S VERY VERY VERY HARD TO CALM YOURSELF.